Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
