I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Randomize
