why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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