Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize