i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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