Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize