Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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