so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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