Whod you bang
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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