Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
