Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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