There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
