Old men and throwing up are my life now.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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