YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
vagina is talking i cant
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
