UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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