wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Randomize
