I wish I could punch you in the face.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
