Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
