I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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