dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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