So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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