I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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