I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
