i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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