That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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