i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
