There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
