If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
thus making me awesome and them whores
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
