I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
there's paper in my vomit.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize