my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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