I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
