I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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