If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
