Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
