drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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