WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
