He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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