y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Shame is for Republicans.
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