eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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