Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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