yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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