How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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