Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
