The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
