based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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