lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
