Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What a dumb baby whore.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
