1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize