thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
