I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
