bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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