you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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