so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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