You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i now understand why vodka
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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