Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
