Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
