I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
