we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
