oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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