were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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