I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
