I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
