he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My vagina is officially offended.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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