I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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