I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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