I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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