he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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