it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
