I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i dont even know how to be here
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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