the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
