dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
