i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Jerry, you need to find god
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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