i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize