I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
