drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
