that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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