I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
