hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
