Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
