i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
