I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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