____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
