My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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