Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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