apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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