Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
there is glitter all over my balls
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
