I'm lost and stupid without you.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
