I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well I just put wine in my tea
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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