Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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