Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
