I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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