Me too!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
one two three fourrrrnication!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
